


You've got a fire in your eyes

by xisuthros



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, all the feels, the one where jemma finds out about fitz's near death experience
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 12:05:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6469441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xisuthros/pseuds/xisuthros
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jemma finds out from Daisy that Fitz nearly got killed during their fight against the Watchdogs. (set post 3x14) Angst and confrontations ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Realization

When Daisy walked into the lab, the only sound she could hear was the soft rustling of papers. Peering to the right, she saw Jemma sitting alone at one of the tables, her brow furrowed as she looked through whatever information the pages held. Daisy made some noise so that the scientist could hear her approaching, causing the other woman to look up sharply. Papers were scraped back together in a hurry and the laptop she was comparing the notes with was promptly shut with a snap. 

Noticing the raised eyebrows on Daisy’s face, Jemma sighed and shook her head. “Sorry. This just isn’t something everyone needs to know about.” The scientist gave her a pointed look. “A senior agent told me to keep it quiet anyways.”

Senior agent? Daisy was confused for a moment for the answer hit her. May. The specialist was probably getting Jemma’s help on a case, or at the very least something that she was pursuing on her own. With one look at the sympathetic expression that Jemma wore as she put the papers back into a blue folder, she knew that it must have something to do with Andrew. There’s no other reason why May would keep it secret. She resolved to talk to her S.O.. The older agent was obviously going through some tough emotions.

Pulling up a chair and carefully sitting down, Daisy watched as Jemma finished putting the papers away and leaned back in her own chair, sipping a cup of tea. “So, you all just came back from the mission?” The scientist asked, the only indication she was faking being nonchalant was the slight hitch in her tone. “How did it go?” She inquired. Daisy noticed that her knuckles were white as she gripped the faded-looking Doctor Who mug.

Remembering the mission and Fitz’s warning to not tell Jemma about what had happened only spurred her on. She needed to know that he had almost been killed today. Everyone in the base could see how much they cared about each other, Daisy more than most. She had been with the pair since their first mission on the Bus. This needed to happen.

“It went...well, I guess.” The Inhuman began cautiously. Jemma’s eyes narrowed slightly. “We caught a few of the Watchdogs, found some interesting information on Malick and what he’s up to.” Daisy paused, trying to figure out how to put it.

Jemma seemed to be growing more anxious, placing the mug down on the table and fixing her with wide eyes. “How is everyone on the team?” The Inhuman could see right through her question; there was no guessing who she was actually asking about.

“Fitz was hit by one of the Watchdogs.” She decided to rip it off like a band-aid, not anticipating how the scientist seemed to crumple in her seat. “But he’s fine now.” Daisy added quickly, before Jemma began thinking the wrong things. “He was hit with one of their adhesive explosive rounds, set on a delayed detonation time.” Not helping. She scrambled as her friend’s eyes became wider and her expression more heartbroken. “We got him into one of the containment modules and figured out that we had to freeze it off. The substance froze and was able to be peeled off after that.” She finished.

What Daisy didn’t expect was the way that Jemma’s expression slowly morphed to one of contained anger. Nervously, she shifted in her seat. “And none of you thought to call me?” The scientist asked, her calm voice contrasting against the fire blazing in her eyes. “Biochemical rounds? Delayed explosive ones at that? This is exactly my area of expertise!” The last sentence was half-shouted.

The Inhuman cringed. “He didn’t want you to get involved at first, but by the time he finally wanted to, we found a different way to get the substance off.” The scientist’s expression was no less furious, though Daisy suspected it did not have to do with her. 

“I see.” Jemma said, with a deadly tone in her voice. “And where is Agent Fitz now? I need to see if there are any residual effects from the round.” It was a lie, but Daisy had no intention of calling her on it. The Inhuman was just thankful that she was not the object of Jemma’s anger. 

“He’s in his bunk, I think. Said he needed to get the last of it off his neck.” The fact that he had been shot in the neck seemed to rattle her expression for a moment, though it returned with a vengeance once she seemed to remember he hadn't told her about it. 

Without a word, Jemma stood up from her chair sharply and headed off in the direction of Fitz’s bunk, the sounds of her angry steps fading as she went down the hallway. Letting out a breath, Daisy slowly stood up and looked in the direction she had gone, hoping that the two idiots would finally start communicating again. Jemma had confided in her that they were taking a fresh start on their relationship, but all that the Inhuman could see was that they were just pining for each other with a renewed vigor. Honestly, if she had to live through another year of this, she might combust. Maybe this fight would help them air some of their feelings out.

With a small grin, Daisy headed off to join the others in the control room. With this insider’s knowledge, she just might win the long-running Fitzsimmons betting pool.


	2. Stepping in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jemma confronts Fitz about the mission. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had SO much fun writing this!! Sorry if it seems a little sappy at times, but I just really wanted them to at least address some of their issues. The re-do is a great thing, but I wanted them to at least talk about it. Fitz's response to her is something I would love to see happen in the show because Jemma is precious. Hope you guys like it! <3

The sound of Jemma’s furious steps echoed off the empty halls, like heralds announcing her arrival. The few agents she had passed by quickly got out of her way, seeing the thunderous expression on her face and wisely choosing to not be on the receiving end of it. As she would turn sharply around a corner and out of their sight, each one felt a pang of sympathy for the poor soul that caused her to be in such a state.  
Jemma was beyond upset. She was damn near murderous.

What was that idiot thinking? She thought to herself. Despite being a genius, Leo Fitz could sometimes overlook the consequences of his actions. Leaving her out of the loop when it was his well-being at stake had very specific consequences that completely warranted her not even knocking at the entrance to his bunk, instead opening the door and charging in.

It was empty.

Blinking, Jemma looked around and saw various clothes piled around the bed. He had obviously come here after the mission; his gear was in a heap by his pillow while the shirt he had been wearing was hanging on the door handle to his closet. The lights were on, so he was somewhere nearby. Listening, she could hear the distinctive sound of the shower running and felt an unexpected wave of relief come over her. No matter how angry she was at him, a part of her had just needed to know he was alive. Still fuming, Jemma decided to sit down at the foot of the bed, directly in front of the bathroom door. He would not be getting out of this easily.

Moving some of his clothes off the bed, she pushed down the sudden butterflies in her stomach as the reality of her surroundings hit her. She had been in his room countless times before, but ever since she had realized her feelings for him, each visit reminded her of why she fell in love with him. His scent was everywhere, the feel of his shirt bringing back memories of the Academy and Sci-Ops, when she would come over to his room for Doctor Who marathons after exams. His cologne that, unknown to him, sent her into overdrive every time he came near her was in a bottle over the dresser. Settling herself down on the bed, she let out a slow breath and told herself to get it together. She was here for a reason.

The shower stopped running and slowly her anger returned, spurred on the by sudden thought that he had probably taken a shower in an attempt to hide whatever marks or residue that the compound had left. Her heart pounding, Jemma waited in deadly silence for the door to finally open, revealing the object of her frustration.

Fitz yelped and nearly dropped his towel when he saw her on the edge of the bed. She ignored the heat radiating from her ears and face.

“Jemma!” He exclaimed, fixing her with a bewildered expression. “What-what’s going on?” The engineer seemed to regain some of his composure. “What are you doing in here?”

She looked back at him with her hands carefully on her lap and her eyes blazing. “We need to talk, Leo.” Jemma knew using his first name was a rare move, but he needed to understand the gravity of the situation.

It did the trick. Fitz looked at her sharply and seemed to be putting the pieces together in his head. Finally, he swallowed and said in a quiet voice. “I’ll just get dressed really quick.” He moved past her and grabbed his change of clothes, the air in his wake carrying the scent of the shampoo she loved on him.

His bare torso was noticeably more defined than the last time she saw it, years before during one of the Academy swimming outings. Jemma made a mental note to send Bobbi a fruit basket for all the training she and Fitz had completed during her recovery. He had a few unfamiliar scars, no doubt from the time he had spent trying to get her back from the monolith along his shoulders. Coulson had mentioned to her that Fitz had put himself in sometimes deadly situations to get information on that cursed rock. Pity for him welled up in her, only to be squashed by the knowledge that he would not accept pity from anyone. It was one of the things she loved about him.

Jemma could see the small outline of the substance round on his neck even as he tried to hide it. The muscles in his back twitched, as if sensing her gaze as he turned around. Jemma looked back up towards his eyes, her pounding heart the only indication she was anything other than furious. And she was; seeing him now and knowing that he could have been brutally taken from her overrode any other feelings that she had.

Fitz glanced at her, like a child who knew he was going to be yelled at. “I’ll just be a minute.” His voice was quiet, with only Jemma’s slight nod indicating that she had heard him. 

After a few moments, the door opened again to reveal him dressed in one of his old Sci-Ops t-shirts, the one she had given him for Christmas the year that they couldn’t go home for the holidays. She looked at it for a moment, remembering the times when things seemed much less dark. Fitz seemed to use her distraction with the shirt as a means to talk first.

“Jemma, before you say anything I just-” He began.

“Stop.” Her voice was low and deadly. Jemma rose from the edge of the bed, her arms crossed and her eyes flashing. Fitz had the sense to fall silent, waiting for her next words.

“Stop trying to come up with an excuse. You almost died today, Fitz!” Her voice became a shout. “You almost died and didn’t even call me to work through the problem. I’m a bio-chemist, Fitz! A really good one! Do you know what that means?!” He had been through enough of her scoldings to know that answering the question would be a foolish move.

“It means that you should pick up the bloody phone whenever you are hit with a chemical agent! Do not put others in danger just because you can’t seem to find it within yourself to ask for help!” Her words seemed to strike something within him.

“I am perfectly capable of asking for help.” Fitz replied immediately, though still not eager to go toe-to-toe with the fire blazing in her eyes. “I just didn’t want to add any unnecessary worry or stress. You’ve been through enough, Jemma.” His words didn’t seem to have the effect he was hoping for. Instead, she laughed bitterly.

“Unnecessary worry or stress?” Jemma repeated incredulously. “What do you think is happening now?” This made him look at her with confusion. “When I found out you didn’t tell me about your near-death experience, I was petrified! But do you know what made it worse?” He didn't dare answer. She moved closer to him until she stood less than a foot away, her heartbroken eyes appealing up to his. “There could have been other times that you nearly got yourself killed and I would never have known about it until it was too late! Do you know what would happen to me if you got hurt, or killed?” Her voice was shaking. “I couldn’t live with it, Fitz. If you had died and there was something that I could have done to stop it, I would never have forgiven myself.” She looked at him unapologetically. “You’re too important for me to lose, Fitz.” Jemma admitted softly. “I can’t go through that again.”

Tears began to blur her vision as Fitz hesitantly put a hand on her shoulder. Despite her anger, she instinctively placed her own hand on top of it, drawing strength from his gesture. “You’re important to me too, Jemma.” He said, and she let his voice wash over her as she wiped the tears from her eyes. “That’s why I didn’t want to put you in that position, to be placed on the spot with my life in your hands. That’s not fair to you. You blame yourself enough as it is.”  
Without warning she turned away from him, his hand falling back to his side. 

Her body screamed for his touch, but Jemma refused. “You mean for the pod?” She asked, knowing without looking that Fitz had gone still. “Because you took the choice from me down there too. You just shoved that breath into my hands and sacrificed yourself, never thinking that I couldn’t live without you. You never thought about me having to wait by your bedside, praying to every god that I could think of, hoping that you would wake up, that I could tell you that I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you.”Jemma felt emboldened by the sudden honesty, the words flowing out of her like a broken dam. 

Fitz interrupted her. “What about when you left to go undercover?” His voice was not accusatory, just sad. “You were the one who took the choice away that time. I thought you went to go visit your parents at home, safe and sound. Imagine my surprise.” Jemma turned around, her eyes glistening.

“I had to.” She said, flooring him with her certainty. “You weren’t getting any better with me around, and I was holding you back. Everyone knew it. No matter how badly I wanted to stay by your side and never leave.” Jemma’s voice cracked. “I had to put your needs above my own. I left you because you needed to get better without me. It was the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do.” Fitz looked shell-shocked.

“When I came back,” She continued, wanting to get it all out. “You were understandably upset. I knew that would happen, but I didn’t expect it to hurt as bad as it did. During my time away, I realized how much I had been in love with you from the start, even if I didn’t realize it. To come back and see you distance yourself hurt even more than it did going away. Having you near and not being able to be by your side was horrible. To make it worse, we were always bickering and everything was falling apart around us with the real SHIELD and Ward. When Bobbi got hurt, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I had to tell you, give you something to come back to. If you had died out there...” She couldn’t finish the sentence.

When Fitz didn’t answer, Jemma turned around and saw him looking at her with an unreadable expression. She took it as her chance to continue. “When I was sucked into that portal and put on that God-forsaken planet, the only thought that kept me going was you and our date. Fitz, you don’t know how happy I was when you finally asked me to dinner.” Smiling slightly, Jemma wiped away a tear as she remembered the long nights on the planet, dreaming about him and their future, even when she was with Will. “But I gave up.” Hanging her head, Jemma looked at her feet and remembered the instant her world had faded. “When we failed to get that message to the team, it looked like the last chance we had was gone. I couldn’t see a way forward without you, and I thought about ending it, right there and then.” Jemma could feel his surprised gaze without looking up.

“But Will stopped me. He pulled me back from the edge, and for that I will always be grateful. He kept me alive long enough to see you come rescue me, Fitz.” She looked up into his heartbroken face, giving him a small smile. “I had never felt more alive. There you were, risking everything again to bring me back home. I deluded myself into thinking I could simply move on from the planet and carry on with you, never revealing what happened between me and Will. But I couldn’t.” She hitched her breath. “I couldn’t leave him to die, it wasn’t fair to him. So I asked the impossible of you and destroyed what we had. You were so understanding, so perfect throughout all of it, I didn’t know what I had done to deserve you in the first place. I betrayed your memory and trust and still you decided to help me.”

He cut her off. “You don’t need to earn me, Jemma. I owed Will everything for keeping you alive, for caring about you. Just the fact that he was an innocent man trapped somewhere was enough for me.” She gave a watery chuckle and gestured to him.

“And that is what makes you better than me.” Jemma stated, not caring if he agreed with her or not. He tried to interrupt but she cut him off. “I was willing to let him die on that planet once I saw the risk might have been too much. I put you in a dangerous position and nearly got you killed because you felt you had to bring him back for me.” Her voice got quieter. “I let all those Inhumans get slaughtered by Lash just to save my own skin.” Shaking her head as if to clear it, Jemma pressed on. “Somehow, despite all these setbacks, you still want to be my friend. Somehow you seem to still want to be with me, after everything.” 

She looked at him desperately, tears clinging to her eyelashes. “I can’t lose another chance at having a future with you, so the next time you find yourself in a life-threatening situation I expect you to call me and let me help! Never mind whether you think I’ll be worried or stressed out! I want a chance to fight for you!” The fire returned to her eyes. “You’ve fought for me and saved me enough times, Fitz. Please...please let me do the same for you. For us.”

Fitz was looking silently at her with an unfamiliar expression, which cause her heart clench. She couldn’t read him as well as she used to. Suddenly aware of how close she was to him, Jemma looked around quickly and stepped back. The fight left her; it was obvious she had laid too much of her heart on the line. A sick feeling that he had perhaps moved on began to run up her spine. Maybe that was why he had so readily agreed to her wanting to start over, maybe that was why he hadn’t made some sort of a move yet. It could also explain why he was looking at her like that.

Swallowing thickly and absently tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, Jemma gestured to the door. The desire to escape welled up within her chest. The room was too full of emotions, too full of things too much to say. 

“I-I’ll just...go.” Jemma stammered, keeping her gaze low as she went for the door. 

“Jemma.”

Fitz’s tone was a plea. Tentatively, she turned and saw that he had moved forward. Their eyes locked and a sudden boldness overtook her. Moving slowly towards him, here eyes never leaving his, Jemma placed a single hand on his chest. His heart pounded against his rib cage, nearly matching the speed of her own. Fitz ran a hand down the top of her outstretched arm, sending thrills down her spine. Their breaths hitched as they stayed in that moment of anticipation, locked on the edge of a wonderful precipice. Jemma’s eyes searched his, seeing in them the love and the forgiveness that she wanted desperately but at the same time felt she didn’t deserve. 

His voice was soft. “You never have to prove anything to anyone. You know that, don’t you?” His question caused a pain in her chest. 

Jemma’s eyes were sad. “I still feel like I do, Fitz. You deserve so much more than me.” His blue eyes flashed.

Fitz’s reply was firm. “Let me be the judge of that.” She moved forward and laid her head on his chest, too overcome for words. He wrapped his arms around her, engulfing her with his familiar scent and the feeling of security that always came whenever she was with him.  
Jemma could feel his voice vibrating against her ear. “I’m sorry for not telling you about today.” She sniffed. 

“You should be.” Came her reply, leaning back to regard him with sparkling eyes. “I’m not sorry I yelled at you, by the way.” He smiled the way he used to when they were at the Academy.

“No, I don’t expect you too. That wouldn’t be the Jemma Simmons I know.” His voice was light. 

Biting her lower lip, Jemma’s eyes searched his face, noting each way that he had changed since first joining Coulson’s team. He was scruffier and more mature but still the same person who she’d been reluctantly paired with in chemistry class at the Academy, nearly twelve years ago. The memory of their first kiss was seared in her brain, causing her to instinctively suck in a breath. The already powerful urge to kiss him had only grown after that first time in the lab, causing their work days afterwards to be filled with her wondering when to to make another move, if at all. That beautiful problem was running through her brain, with the stillness of the air around them anticipating her decision. 

All semblance of thought left her once Fitz decided to help her, as he always did, with her problem. His head leaned down slowly and captured her lips with his. It wasn’t like their first kiss or their second, when Jemma had tried in vain to help him see she had wanted it. It was much slower, like they had all the time in the world and nothing more to do. It was gentle and sweet, lazy and powerful at the same time. Jemma was intimately aware of him, every feature and aspect of him as she snaked a hand into his hair to pull him closer. 

She could feel his stubble against the sides of her cheeks, sending trembles down to her very core. She could taste the sweetness of his love for her in his lips, drinking it in like she was dying of thirst. His familiar scent threatened to overwhelm her, the perfect rightness of the moment making her mind foggy and all ability to process information disappearing in a second. As Fitz began walking her across the room, his mouth still pressed to hers, Jemma lost all sense of time. When her back hit the wall, she forgot her own name. All that mattered was the monumental task of pouring all her love for him into a single kiss, trying to make up for all the wasted years.

Slowly coming up for air, Jemma resisted her forehead against his and glimpsed the faint shine of his blue eyes beneath his half-closed lids. Their breaths were ragged, as if they had just run a marathon. Her hand retreated from running through his hair to resting on his neck, the skin there hot to her touch. Once she had recovered and was able to think again, Jemma closed her eyes and kissed him again, reaching up for him as if she would otherwise drown. A groan escaped her as his leg rubbed against the juncture of her thighs, causing Fitz to smile against her lips as he leaned further down, deepening it and causing her pull him even further down. Jemma was desperate for as much of him as possible. They drank each other in for another few wonderful moments, both inwardly cursing the eventual necessity to breathe. 

Reluctantly sliding her lips off his, Jemma sucked in a breath and placed her head in the crook of his neck. She planted another few kisses to his neck, eliciting a groan from him and a smile from her. 

Leaning back, Jemma asked him the question she had been wanting to ask ever since she came back from that horrible planet. “If you wouldn’t be opposed to it,” She began, her voice low and her eyes dark. “I would really like to take you out for dinner, Fitz. A proper date, this time.” Expectantly looking up at his shining gaze, his laugh sent her heart into overdrive. 

“I would love nothing more.” His reply was genuine and music to her ears. 

They would fight for each other no matter what came at them next, no matter the time or place. Though she didn’t really believe in fate, Jemma was more than willing to accept the idea of her and Fitz’s inevitability. Though they were constantly torn apart, they always came back together and fought through it all. It was an idea that spurred her to pull him back down and drown in the sweetness of this moment, resolving to hold onto it and cherish it for however long they had left.

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2 coming soon! Jemma confronts Fitz :)


End file.
